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| rope & pic by Lew Ruebens |
This has been my "label" for a little over a year now and I was recently called to the carpet on it's (my) definition. The assumption was that this label of "Heteroflexible" made me Bi-Sexual.
I am not, by my nature, sexually attracted to women. The women that I do find sexually appealing I can literally count on one hand. The number of women that I love platonically, that would be a few more and would take two hands... all in all, women do not generally trip my trigger when it comes to lust and desire.
I don't like women for the most part. I don't really know why, but I think most of them are very suppressed emotionally, mentally and physically... I do so dislike being female most of the time. I believe it is due to my own issues, my own perceptions, of which I am working on, still I do not think I will come out of it as bi-sexual. I love the feel of the male sex way too much.
The affirmations of my second chakra:
- I deserve pleasure in my life.
- I absorb information from my feelings.
- I embrace and celebrate my sexuality.
- My sexuality is sacred.
- I move easily and effortlessly.
- Life is pleasureable.
I am working my second chakra very hard, each time I go back to it, more of my shadow self comes into the light.
In reading just the opening to the Second Chakra in this book again for the third time (and I am sure it won't be the last) I see it in a whole new light. She says...
"I seldom find a client or even a friend without sexuality issues. Too little, too much, afraid, addicted, ashamed, deprived, or compulsive--the cries of sexual wounding echo through many lives, bringing pain and frustration, anger and fear--all to an experience meant for pleasure. Collectively, these wounds reverberate through our culture in struggles over a vast range of sexual issues: birth control, abortion, gay rights, nudity, fidelity, celibacy, chile molestation, rape, and pornography. In a binding paradox, sexuality is simultaneously rejected and magnified."
I have suffered and continue to conquer many of these issues. My wounds have taken their toll. It will take a lot of work to heal them. She goes on to say:
"Emotional numbness is the approved ideal for public behavior. Emotional reactions are frowned upon as a sign of losing control. the function of feeling is considered an inferior function in our culture, associated with the inferior status of women. Passion, an essential motivating force for vitality, power, and creativity, is suppressed and viewed as a petulant child needing needing to be controlled by our will. Without passion and pleasure, our lives blur into senseless sameness, our feelings dulled behind the daily subroutines of expected behavior.
The second chakra-center of sensation and feeling, emotion and pleasure, intimacy and connection, movement and change- is instead turned and twisted, squashed and squandered, further severing the perceptual cognition of the mind from the sensate ground of the body. Without touch we become literally out of touch. Dulled in our senses, behavior becomes senseless instead of sensible."
I am reclaiming my right to feel. I am reclaiming my passion and pleasure, neediness and vulnerability, and my sensate connection to both inner and outer reality. If I free the flow of dynamic energy that is essential for growth, change and transformation and release the armor that separates me from others. I can then reclaim the intimacy that I long for, ending my fragmented isolation.
In the end of this opening for the second chakra, Anodea Judith goes on to say:
"Sexuality and spirituality have long had a conflicted relationship. Many people see them as polarized rivals for consciousness--that to persue one is to deny the other. Such philosophies tell us that to become spiritual we need to overcome desire, to renounce sexuality, to rise above our feelings. Other practices, such as Tantra, see sexuality and spirituality as an indivisible whole, each one enhancing the other.
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| Freshly Used and feeling good. |
To deny the qualities of the second chakra is to deny an essential piece of our wholeness, a piece that has an important part to play in the expansion and awakening of consciousness. To make it more or less important than the other chakras is to unbalance the whole system."
Restoring my second chakra balance is essential to my over all serenity and inner peace. When this happens I am at my happiest. Emotions and being emotional is something completely new to me each time I explore them further. It does put me in touch with my inner female, my inner Goddess, and it helps me love, celebrate and embrace her that much more.
