Broken? Think again...

(original entry February 2010)

"We are not broken, or dramatically lost, or in need of fixing or salvation. So powerful and fundamental are Tao and Ch'i that it is not possible for us to depart far from them. Each of us is already 'home' in the deepest sense." - Raymond Barnett

I really find so much value in this. I have struggled with it for years, decades even... hell just recently here in this journal I wondered about it.

For so many years I practiced what every one else was preaching. Because of my deviant thoughts or urges I was broken, evil, or just wrong. Seeking the "fix" or salvation because something was so very "wrong" with me.

Point of this is I am actively learning there really is no good or bad, there just "is" and all I can do is let it pass through me, feel it, and move on. So simple right? Oh fuck no. It is one of the hardest lessons I am learning personally.

This book has been more of an eye opener than I expected. It provided me many "Ah Ha!" moments and while I have finished it and am moving on to the next... I am sure I shall be referring back to it many times.

Next book... Goddess in My Shoes :)

^..^

(original entry February 2010)

Growth....

(Original entry February 2010)

When you grow something, anything, be it a flower, a fruit, a vegetable, or a tree, you usually plant a seed.

Then you watch and wait for it to grow. You water this seed, fertilize it, make sure it has enough sun light, but not too much. Too much will kill it, yet not enough and it will be stunted or fail to produce a flower or a fruit.

My mind has become a garden. Planting seeds, seeing which ones respond to the care you would give to bare fruit. I tasted the fruits of my labor thus far last night. Boy is it sweet!

There was so much positive energy to be had, so much love, so many choruses of screams in both pain, ecstasy, and not to mention laughter. Being able to see new faces, interact and greet so many that I was high from it the rest of the evening. I just could not stop smiling, giggling and laughing.

I sat there and observed, and thinking to myself "girl you have this silly ass grin on your face, lose it now or they will think you had gone mad!"

No matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop. I think I got a taste of that "unreasonable happiness". What is that you may ask? Well for me it is me being happy with out reason. Happy to just "be". In the here and now and in the moment.

Though I am faced with things that frighten the hell out of me in the very near future, I know that these things are inevitable and it is for the best that I close one door to move through another. So while March 24th is just around the corner, so goes the rest of my growth and healing.

I will not only be healing physically (with a really cool scar on the front of my neck) but I shall be healing and growing mentally and spiritually. I have a ton more work to do, but I am determined to have the tools and right people around me. People who love me for me, not who they think I should be.

I thank you all for helping me grow these seeds that I have sewn. They are very precious to me as are all of you.

With much love and many blessings,

Kimmie ^..^

(Original entry February 2010)