(original entry February 2010)
I look around and so many things seem broken. Is it just me that sees this? Am I the one who is broken and they are all normal and whole?
I am working hard to fix or mend what is broke inside of me both with my body and my mind. Many might not see it, but I see it. I can now look in that mirror and see the improvement. I can look myself in the eyes and smile.
Can you?
Just this last August '09 I was with a group of lady friends at a gathering, we had snacks and shared with each other a little piece of ourselves. There was this exercise... Where you had to look in a mirror and say something positive or nice about yourself. I couldn't do it, no matter how hard I tried.
Now I can.
I am far from perfect, far from where I would like to be, but I am better off than where I was a year ago let alone 6 months ago.
Does this simple fact make me open my eyes, mind and heart wider? Is that why I can see other things that are broken or cracked within me? I feel like a little girl sticking her fingers in the holes of a leaking dyke.
It seems at times that when I mend or fix one thing, I end up finding something else that needs attended to. Why is that? I think honestly it is a process of growth but does it ever end?
No, it doesn't end. This is what I have concluded. I am an ocean, I ebb and flow. I am fluid, ever changing, always evolving.
Perhaps some day I will be truly comfortable with being abnormal.
^..^
(original entry February 2010)
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