Non-Consensual Stalking...

Yes my kinky friends, I do find that being "prey" can be hot when it is with my negotiated consent. Being stalked can be negotiated safely, and play can ensue in a consensual manner. It can be extremely erotic, and makes me moist just to think about it.


I've done this before, dealt with a true blue stalker, many moons ago. He now sits in a Calif. prison having committed his third strike. He was the aggressive possessive type, the "if I can't have you then no one can" type. He got close, but being the genuine idiot he would pull a stupid maneuver and get caught. 


This of course was long before the advent of "online networking" and the interwebs. You had to physically stalk someone in person. Now a days, it is fairly easy to stalk someone as open as I am online. I will admit it, but I have been very lucky thus far... knocks on wood to not have anyone attack me cyber-wise. After all I have never seen the usefulness of making online threats, they sincerely have not instilled the fear as an actual "live" stalker has. All one has to do is log off, hit the "iggy" button or block them.


I have had many years of "stalker" free life. Lucky me, and thus far in my dating experiences, I consider myself fortunate to have not picked up another. I thought I had dealt with the fear, the physical, mental and emotional abuse that this stalker of mine delivered so long ago. Until now, that is...


I have not been an apartment dweller for a very long time. Apartment living is a whole different removed world when living in a large complex. Most folks keep to themselves and go about their daily activities, minding their own business. A kind "Hello" in the mail room, working out in the gym, or relaxing in the hot tub. It is a unique community all unto its own.


Then there was the fella in the Laundromat. Flirting while I was handling my bra's stockings and undies. A tad on the shy side had only kind words, and came across in a very non-aggressive manner. My first thought... how sweet, but too submissive, too shy and quiet. He said he liked my convertible. He left and I didn't run into him for at least 4 months. 


Then one day... while doing laundry again, he struck up a conversation. Friendly, still shy, still submissive, but this time he asked for my number, wanted to know if we could hang out, catch a movie or watch a race or football game. I thought sure! What's the harm? I was not sexually attracted to this person, but I thought we could be friends. 


His personality of being a shy, submissive male evaporated as soon as he was behind closed doors. I have had to physically remove him from my apartment, and now comes the stalking... 


The late night, early morning phone calls, the knocking at my door, the walking past my apartment 5-10 times a night, the text messages, the approaching me while I am going to or from my car. The repeated and clear message of "No" falling on deaf ears.


This is not hot, this is not sexy, this fear has NOT been negotiated with my consent. My weapon lays at the head of my bed loaded, waiting, watching, listening in fear. 


The apartment management has threatened him with eviction, a police report filed, next will be a restraining order. You would think this makes me feel safe, yes I would like to think that.... but it doesn't. If I could offer one piece of advice folks... 


Just because a person is a kinky, poly slut it does not change the definition of "No".

My momma said there would come a day...

(original entry January 2010)

This day is coming... oh yes indeed.

When I was pregnant and I didn't know if I was having a girl or a boy, I found myself weighing the pro's and con's of each.

With girls, you could dress them up in frilly dresses and the like, have tea time, dollies and barbies, ballet lessons, glitter and lip gloss until they started to talk back, have hormones, and then would come the promiscuity, boys, shot gun at the front door, the need for a chastity belt.

With boys, you could dress them up in cute little outfits, play in the dirt, take them to the races, get them involved in sports, rough-house, until they too started to talk back, have hormones, kiss girls, date, have a baseball bat at the front door, the need for condoms under the sink and in the wallet. this is all spoken in jest I found myself concluding that a boy would be by far easier to raise.

My mom said to me once, "Dear daughter, while girls are a lot of work, and yes boys are much more simple. However, having a son will someday break your heart." I never really understood her, until recently, I think I am beginning to understand it. He is coming of age, and he has had missteps, made a few bad choices, and now I have to witness the consequences of those choices.

I am powerless to change the things he has chosen to do. I raised him to be a free thinking individual and to be responsible for the choices he makes, both good and bad. Thus far he has lived up to that, and as such why he is now in trouble. He could have lied, blamed someone else, or been evasive. No, instead he took responsibility and told the truth. Am I wrong to feel proud of this? Ah, that is where the conflict lies.

My only hope is that I may help him get back on his path, by not enabling him, but by empowering him and giving him the boundaries he is lacking with his father.

Sorry this isn't a curse filled sarcastic rant, nor is it full of kinky thoughts or ramblings. I just had to put my thoughts into words. After all I am a mom, I am human, I am more than just a profile on a kinky website.

Thanks for reading and letting me share.

(original entry January 2010)