Compersion, Intimacy & Empathy

Laying awake at night I ponder various things... like these: Compersion, Intimacy and Empathy.


These 3 words, these 3 states of "feeling", if you will, are fairly new to me. Perhaps I had felt one or the other in the past, but never fully acknowledged their existence let alone have a name for them.


Now that I have experienced these within my current relationships and friendships, I sincerely believe that I can not exist without them both now and in the future. I am loath to pick up the armor I once carried. Its heavy and burdensome. 


Sure, I am single, yes I am polyamorous, yes I am a slut. I've been told I am kinky, and I've even enjoyed sex with a woman! Does this mean I will seek out relationships with every person who has a pulse? No. Does this mean I will fuck anyone? No. My relationships don't need sex to exist, they don't need validation of a marriage or a contract. All they need are these three ingredients. 


I am not seeking to be possessed nor do I wish to possess any of my partners or friends.


I am not seeking for someone to "complete" me, nor do I wish to "complete" them. I am a whole woman, not half a woman. I would prefer to deal with a whole person myself.


I do beg to ask a simple question though: Do you think it is possible to have these 3 things; compersion, intimacy & empathy, even after the relationship or friendship ends? If so is it healthy for you to have them? 


For reference here are my working definitions:
Compersion is a state of empathetic happiness and joy experienced when an individual's romantic partner experiences happiness and joy through an outside source, including, but not limited to, another romantic interest. This can be experienced as any form of erotic or emotional empathy, depending on the person experiencing the emotion.


Intimacy generally refers to the feeling of being in a close personal association and belonging together. It is a familiar and very close affective connection with another as a result of a bond that is formed through knowledge and experience of the other. Genuine intimacy in human relationships requires dialogue, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocity.


Empathy is the capacity to share the sadness or happiness of another sentient being through consciousness rather than physically. Empathy develops the ability to have compassion towards other beings.

Just here for the kinky sex ... kthxbi ;)

 (original entry May 2010)

Makes me wonder... why am I here? What are my motives? What are my desires? Who the fuck am I?

Well for starters I am just me. I am fortunate enough in my life to have had the opportunity to start anew. Being disillusioned and living authentically is really much harder than it seems it would be. So many pressures from outside influences can hamper this. Whether it be your family, your nilla friends, your kinky friends, or your workplace. My only tool to battle these is my ability to question everything I am told.

I have a specific journey I wish to embark upon, and the only way I will be able to travel that path is through my local kink community. There is knowledge and know-how there that I do not posses. I value them and as well have great respect for them. What I seek to do requires a great intimacy of sorts, one that I have not experienced or delved into before with anyone.

As I reflect upon this as a witness, it makes me realize just how much I have changed in just 2-3 months time. My relationships are completely different than they ever were before. Some have lasted, some have fallen by the wayside, some have yet to be nurtured. Regardless, I am reaching that simple phase of"Thou art that" or put more simply I am my own planet within the larger universe.

So to answer my own questions:

I don't know why I am here, and I am ok with that.

My motives are very intimate and selfish. I seek personal growth and enlightenment.

My desires are to develop intimacy on many levels with everyone in my life, and to not have just mere acquaintances.

Who the fuck am I? Well I am not who I was 2 months ago or 2 days ago. I am me.

After all... aren't we all just here for the kinky sex?

^..^

(original entry May 2010)